A sensible person would take advantage of old age in the following way: give up.

I am currently having trouble admitting that a writing project that has long floundered needs something, well, different. Maybe even a restart. Or another concept. It doesn’t matter. The thing I thought was finished clearly isn’t. Which can be said for life itself.

In which, I am convinced, I have accomplished little. Except to survive. Which, in the sensible view, is saying a lot.

Thing is, I know better. The nation is currently in the grips…and if not exactly willingly, then not entirely accidentally…of a leader who utterly believes in winners and losers. Which from any existential perspective is too silly for words. So words have become too silly for the president. Why think when you can tweet? I digress.

My wife keeps reminding me to live in the present. And given half a chance, age does the same thing. Just get stuff done. And try to do it well. Unless you don’t want to get stuff done. And that’s okay too.

If I can just wrap my head around this reality, surely age will become liberating. But it’s very hard. Expectations are what they are. And generally, they are way too high.

Thing is, writing is fine. But if you’re living with, and aging with, a serious disability, your art form is your life.

I am currently planning for an annual trip to Minnesota where I attend a conference. This particular schlep is getting harder. The bus ride from Minneapolis to the Canadian border seems to be getting longer. Getting in and out of a sleeping bag each night sounds increasingly daunting. And objectively, I am a little stiffer and a little weaker every year. In my mind, I try to minimize all this. Which, trust me, doesn’t work. So I’m trying to go in the opposite direction. Give myself credit for undertaking a difficult journey. And for learning lessons along the way. Such as opening up to conference attendees about needing help. None of this comes naturally to me.

As for the writing project. What’s to say except that writing is like riding a bicycle. It’s the momentum that keeps you going. And if you fall off, get back on. Just keep spinning. That’s the thing. And if you need help, get a spin doctor. Everyone else has one. Whatever works.