Bridges are designed to take you up and over things, and this one did that as well as any. Problem is, although it ascended smoothly, the crest held a nasty surprise. The down side was steep beyond imagining. Who knew motorways were built like this? Anyway, having reached sufficient height to cross over several roads below, the freeway bridge dropped like a cliff. It didn't so much descend as plummet, turning my car into a sort of dive bomber. I went silently screaming downhill, and in the way of Read more [...]

A sensible person would take advantage of old age in the following way: give up. I am currently having trouble admitting that a writing project that has long floundered needs something, well, different. Maybe even a restart. Or another concept. It doesn't matter. The thing I thought was finished clearly isn't. Which can be said for life itself. In which, I am convinced, I have accomplished little. Except to survive. Which, in the sensible view, is saying a lot. Thing is, I know better. The Read more [...]

It was the icing on the cake. And sometimes cakes need a little icing, I always say. What I don't always say is how pervasive a sense of dread hangs over my days. And it frequently takes the form of driving phobia. Yes, it has become a thing. And not a good thing. In any event, there it is…the fear that I will get behind the wheel and something bad will happen. And, yes, Gentle Reader, it's not entirely without merit, this sort of obsession. Just watch pedestrians idly wander across the street, Read more [...]

The trick is not to take a cue from the weather. In San Francisco the latter begins with a gloomy countenance, a grayness that appears with the morning. Someone on the radio may insist that it's all temporary. But this person is unreliable, I believe. In any case, I am not persuaded. Besides, my mood seems to reinforce the meteorology. I am usually convinced that my grim outlook reflects permanent reality. It's hard to see beyond. Just as it is hard to see that the San Francisco fog is, as the weather Read more [...]

On certain gray San Francisco days, it is easy to believe that summer has been damaged, hope is absent…and there is nothing to do but wait. Godot is just around the corner. Does he have lunch? There is always that. Finishing a book draft is like stumbling into a clearing in the forest. An empty space, quite attractive, but baffling. What to do? Well, there are the issues. A slate of political outrages awaits, doesn't it? And several are always bubbling in the back of my mind. Whither Amtrak? Read more [...]

I am in my greenhouse and noting a particularly attractive cherry tomato, all orange and ripe. Go for it, I tell myself, choosing to pop the thing right in my mouth. But not before I drop it on the stone floor. This occasions a long bout of self recrimination. Cries of 'stupid' being the predominant verdict on my general alertness and capabilities. My way of reacting to what is a most annoying, and frequent, occurrence. Dropping things. Vis-à-vis gravity. And then leaning over my wheelchair arm Read more [...]