Buffie and I have emerged from Trader Joe's, now sharing our neighborly secret, that both of us never miss the samples counter, where the free taste of the day is eternally on offer.  We are now heading home, our apartments sharing a common footpath, all roads leading south.  Or is it east?  Actually, the latter is a much more useful frame of reference, the San Francisco Peninsula making some odd turns and twists as it skirts the Bay.  Buffie is full of traffic warnings.  Read more [...]

The morning finds me adrift on a sea of Walgreen's sleep remedy - and how can I find myself?  I seem to have gone somewhere rather frightening.  And is the fact that I have gone there frightening, or the place itself frightening?  Both, I suspect.  The trick being to rebut the former and soothe the latter.  It's okay.  Being afraid is okay.And what are we talking about?  The 3 AM wake-up call, basically.  The body's announcement that it's time for terror.  Read more [...]

It is all, all of it, in the old things.  Even the small ones.  Such as the moment, this very morning, when I perched one leg high on the back of the living room sofa, allowed myself to drift into a slight stupor, and got in touch with - as we say in California - my inner cruciform vegetables.  That is to say, the broccoli and the cauliflower, both purchased eight days ago at the Menlo Park farmer's market, and residing, not to mention hidden, in the bottom of my fridge.  They Read more [...]

Remarkable the way one can drift along, aware of not sleeping well the previous night, things not being as they should be...though why this is important remains unclear.  The day is dominated by practicalities and details, a new tenant moving in upstairs, for one thing.  And what with a morning bout with the rowing machine, followed by various decisions concerning the moving out of furniture from the upstairs apartment, followed by volunteer Paul and I rolling out for brunch and a cappuccino....  Read more [...]

Somewhere near the close of my first year of university, my father and I had a severe falling out.  Armed with whatever knowledge and confidence had accrued to me wandering the University of California residence halls, I decided to have a talk.  With my father, that is.  He was becoming awfully isolated, I told him.  Thus, my expression of concern.  Doubtless uttered in the wrong way, and the very sort of exchange that probably proves tricky for any father and any son.  Read more [...]

It is fear all right, particularly if it awakens you at four in the morning and keeps you awake, directing your mind toward the most trivial and repetitive thoughts.  And even prevents you from taking an early afternoon nap, such is the persistence....  And fear of what and from what, none of this is the least bit clear, so let's work backwards from the obvious starting point or, to be more precise, the ending point.Death.  Having witnessed the wife's and deciding that it is not pretty...and Read more [...]