Several mornings a week, I rise from my wheelchair and hobble about the bedroom with a crutch. As I used to do for several decades. Now the event is not only difficult but infrequent. And doubtless made more difficult by its infrequency. And importantly, I do not to this on my own. Dennis, my morning helper, stands by with arms out, poised to catch me if I fall. In this very moment what's important about this exercise…which is exactly that, part of my morning workout…is the fear factor. I am Read more [...]

It must be a sign of desperate political times that I now read the column of the conservative David Brooks without flinching. At least not so much. And in today's New York Times he really sounded quite sane, although his message was a pleasantly familiar one. The land. It's what we have in these United States. It is one of the few things that unites us. And the general desecration of it is now right at top of the Trump agenda. No surprise. It's also no surprise that the extent of what might Read more [...]

It came to me in one of those in-between flashes, this very morning, while Dennis was giving me the usual range of motion…and the range of emotion opened on demand. I remembered the many years of my life in which I conceived of myself as hopelessly, and unfortunately, single. Unlovable, not good relationship material…somehow a loser in this regard, a chronic failure. And it is not as though this is a state secret, nor something obscure and distant. No, this is the truth of only a few decades Read more [...]

The day began as all do, with a major physiological burst. Half an aerobic hour on the exercycle, a slightly worrying walk with crutch around the bedroom, weights and pulleys, stretching. Then freedom. The latter translated into meeting Stephen at the Wednesday outdoor market in San Francisco's Civic Center. Where the elevator was listed as out of service as I entered the subway…although within minutes an announcement flooded the BART platform that all lifts were lifting. All anyone could want. Not Read more [...]

These days I seem to have a problem with dread. The nature is unclear. After all, there is always something to fear. Driving my car to a couple of places this afternoon being the current focus. And on a regular basis I try to analyze, or at least make concrete, the object of my fears. Does this help? A little, I think. That and lots of deep breathing. It is as though I really can't take anything for granted. With the realization dawning on me that I never could. All of life's basics…that the Read more [...]

There is a problem with keeping one's options open. I'm not sure what the problem is but sense its presence. More to the point, I don't really care. I am throwing caution to the karmic winds. Having not had the best night's sleep, I abandoned the morning's plan of driving to the center of town to do a bit of vegetable shopping. And, instead, threw myself upon the transit waters, a.k.a., Muni. Problem is, I am more than a supporter of San Francisco's public transport. I am a sort of believer. Meaning Read more [...]