Well, it's the little things, isn't it? And you can't get much littler than one of the almond cakes at Peet's, can you? A situation that is making me feel rather little myself, Jane having returned from the coffee counter in a state of pastry-minus. There being a deplorable lack of almond cakes on this particular day. But a commendable presence of Jane. Houseguests. She is entertaining two and doing things like making French toast for the assemblage. A noble endeavor, I want to reassure her, Read more [...]

The mornings hang grey and chill...then dissipate with the emergence of the sun. It is called autumn, this thing. And it is not as though the phenomenon is protected by patent. Yet it seems to be happening as though for the first time. I don't believe it, that is the thing. The capacity for meteorological change. Consider the tomatoes. Their foliage, at least. Mildew is overwhelming the leaves. Whitish, powdery, it creeps in with the fog. As though the tradition of tomatoes basking in the summer Read more [...]

How did I get it so wrong? I do feel a sense of relief, heading north from South Palo Alto, home of the Jewish Community Center...a sprawling expanse that will doubtless be the setting for some future existential film, all arid modernity and oddly numbered rooms. Anyway, it's over, Yom Kippur 2012. And what's with the relief? Well, it's only part of the feeling. The other part has to do with getting it...for the first time. It may be my life circumstance, or just the accumulation of age, but Read more [...]

Whatever drains from the solar plexus...well, it's hard to say, but the stuff is absolutely vital, trust me. This hits home as I rise from my wheelchair at 9 AM in the men's room at Peet's Coffee. This maneuver, tried and tested over considerable time, feels surprisingly shaky. All I have to do is stand sideways to the toilet, grab the disabled safety bar against the wall and offload. But something is amiss. The general robustness that I count on in such moments on my feet has vanished. Where Read more [...]

I am certain there is something out there beyond this morning's sorting of keys, arranging of papers, disposing of assets. It is like this every day. A member of Team Filipina, almost always Lorna, appears to help me get on my socks...and we progress to the next pressing stage. Which always has to do with affairs of state. That is to say, of probate, which my attorney is desperately trying to avoid. Tom, landlord and benefactor, left his affairs in fairly good order, but not precisely legal order. Read more [...]

The past doesn't catch up with you. It turns to dust, mixes with vapors of the day and settles to the floor, not to mention the walls, the ceilings, the interior of drawers, the wooden face of kitchen cabinets, the glass of windows, the pile of carpets and the weave of curtains. Against the backdrop of such dereliction, what is there to do but load a few guns and wait for the end? And if this sounds like some Hollywood screenwriter having a nihilistic go at life...you are not far off, just unaware Read more [...]