These days I seem to have a problem with dread. The nature is unclear. After all, there is always something to fear. Driving my car to a couple of places this afternoon being the current focus. And on a regular basis I try to analyze, or at least make concrete, the object of my fears. Does this help? A little, I think. That and lots of deep breathing. It is as though I really can't take anything for granted. With the realization dawning on me that I never could. All of life's basics…that the Read more [...]

There is a problem with keeping one's options open. I'm not sure what the problem is but sense its presence. More to the point, I don't really care. I am throwing caution to the karmic winds. Having not had the best night's sleep, I abandoned the morning's plan of driving to the center of town to do a bit of vegetable shopping. And, instead, threw myself upon the transit waters, a.k.a., Muni. Problem is, I am more than a supporter of San Francisco's public transport. I am a sort of believer. Meaning Read more [...]

Bridges are designed to take you up and over things, and this one did that as well as any. Problem is, although it ascended smoothly, the crest held a nasty surprise. The down side was steep beyond imagining. Who knew motorways were built like this? Anyway, having reached sufficient height to cross over several roads below, the freeway bridge dropped like a cliff. It didn't so much descend as plummet, turning my car into a sort of dive bomber. I went silently screaming downhill, and in the way of Read more [...]

A sensible person would take advantage of old age in the following way: give up. I am currently having trouble admitting that a writing project that has long floundered needs something, well, different. Maybe even a restart. Or another concept. It doesn't matter. The thing I thought was finished clearly isn't. Which can be said for life itself. In which, I am convinced, I have accomplished little. Except to survive. Which, in the sensible view, is saying a lot. Thing is, I know better. The Read more [...]